Food Fight
by Red Bess Rackham
Summary: Hermione tried to make a cake without magic and it didn't work. When Ron gets home, he manages to think of a way to help her feel better. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything from the HP universe. Plot idea is my own.

**A/n:** This was inspired by some forum talk a little while ago on the Good Ship over at FictionAlley (go there and sign up and hang out, its awesome - btw.) Fluff to ensue, so be prepared (or warned, if the case may be, lol). This is dedicated to** Jedi Knight Bus** and **moony's number 1**. Enjoy!

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Hermione could already smell the smoke before she opened the oven. She rushed down the stairs, still holding the Windex in one hand and a paper towel in the other. She'd gone upstairs to clean the bathroom and bedroom before Ron got home, and completely forgot about the cake. She should've just been using her wand (it certainly would've have been far quicker), but she had gotten it into her head that morning to do things "the Muggle way" - somehow it was more satisfying to get down on her hands and knees and really scrub.

"Oh no, oh no, oh NO!" she cried, and threw the bottle of Windex with the crumpled paper towel into one of the two sink compartments. "No, _not_ the cake!"

Hurriedly she shoved red and white oven mitts on her hands and opened the oven door. Thick smoke poured out of the oven, joining the rest of the smoke that had gathered near the ceiling and was now drifting into other parts of the house. The pan was completely black, and Hermione knew that its fate was not only being overcooked, but also the batter she'd used.

"No, no no..." She rushed to the sink and dropped the smoking pan into the second compartment. Hermione turned on the cold water and hurried to open all the windows and doors.

Not surprisingly, all the smoke detectors in the house started going off, and Hermione only wondered why they hadn't gone off sooner. Loud piercing beeps filled the air until Hermione could locate them and shut them off. She returned to her burned cake in the bottom of the sink.

That was when she started to cry. "_Why_ can't I make a bloody cake without magic?" The tears streamed down her cheeks as she thought of Molly Weasley who seemed to be able to make anything turn out perfect, using magic or not.

"Its always best to know how to do it even without magic, dear," she'd once told Hermione. "In case there is ever a need." Then she'd winked and pulled the homemade bread she'd been working on from the oven.

At that moment, Ron arrived home and Hermione felt even more miserable. She threw her oven mitts across the counter and buried her face in her hands. She'd wanted to have the house cleaned and a cake made before he came home. Tonight she had wanted to have a special night with her and Ron, and now that was completely ruined.

"Hermione? Sweetie?" He called and then coughed. "What's with all the smoke?"

Hermione made a sound halfway between a whimper and a wail and Ron entered the kitchen.

"Honey? What..." his eyes landed on the charcoal in a pan. "Oh..."

"I can't do it, Ron!" Hermione cried. "I can't bake a ruddy cake without magic!"

Ron half-smiled in spite of the situation. "It's ok - "

"No, it's _not_ ok! Your mum can do it, why can't I?" Hermione paused ever so briefly to sniff loudly before continuing. "I put it in and went upstairs to clean, and then I smelt it, and it was supposed to be a lovely surprise - well, SURPRISE! Don't mind eating _ashes_, do you?"

"Hermione, really, its not that big of deal. You forgot about it. It happens."

"I didn't _just_ forget about it, Ron! Something's wrong with the batter, I know it!"

"Is it the recipe from my mum?"

"'Course it is! You and I both know her cakes are the best!"

"Well.." Ron was trying to make the situation smaller, and Hermione would have none of it. He slowly approached the batter bowl sitting on the counter with the spoon still in it, and a small amount of batter left. He stuck his finger in and tasted it.

Hermione sniffed as she watched him. "What are you doing?" she asked, her voice sounding miserable and throaty.

"Tasting it." he paused and then shrugged. "Tastes fine."

Hermione shook her head, placed her hands on her hips in a classic Hermione stance and argued, "It _can't_ taste fine, Ronald! I did something wrong! I wouldn't have burnt up so fast otherwise!"

Ron looked down at the batter and eyed the spoon. An idea was forming in his head... it would either lighten her up or make her even more angry... she would definitely kill him... he smiled... it'd also definitely be worth it...

"Well, then, since you're so bent that its all wrong, _you_ come and taste it."

Hermione stomped over. "I don't want to taste it. I'm sure its rubbish."

When she reached for the spoon, however, Ron grabbed it first. "Quit messing around, Ron and give me the spoon."

Ron half-smiled and held the spoon up. A funny glint sparkled in his eye.

Hermione shot him her most glaring 'I'm-warning-you' look and said, "Don't."

He cocked his head and puled gently back on the edge of the spoon, forming a small batter catapult.

Hermione gasped slightly and puts her hands up. "Ron, don't you _dare._ I have been cleaning all day and if you get one drop of bat- "

She didn't finish however, as a big glop of batter hit her squarely in the nose. Hermione's mouth dropped open. She was somewhat stunned that he actually did it. "Ronald Weasley..." she murmured dangerously as Ron kept on grinning.

Before Ron was able to do anything else, Hermione snatched the bowl of batter from right beside Ron and shouted, "You are going to pay for that!"

Ron let out a whoop and began running, Hermione grabbing blobs of batter with her bare hands and aiming them at any part of Ron she could get. He'd started the battle, and she was going to make sure he was sorry for starting it.

The fight ranged all over the house, turning into a game of cat and mouse when Hermione dumped the empty batter bowl in the upstairs bathroom, a ketchup, mustard and whip cream fight once they were back in the kitchen, and finally a very long water fight when Ron ran outside for some sort of cover.

Finally, nearly a full hour later, they collapsed laughing hard and soaked completely onto the slick grass in the backyard. Ron had large squirts of mustard in his red hair, making it stick up funny and appear as though he'd had it highlighted very badly. He had batter still in several places all over his back and front, and was grinning from ear to ear. Hermione had whip cream all over her front, the batter was long wiped off her nose, and her hair was full of ketchup and leaves from running in the backyard.

"I told you I'd make you pay." Hermione panted, smiling widely, her clean house and cake fiasco long forgotten.

"And you did. You _did_." Ron pointed to the mustard in his hair and the two of them burst out laughing again.

Hermione glanced sideways at Ron. "Shower, dinner OUT, and a movie?"

Ron nodded. "Best idea I heard all day." He suddenly looked concerned.

"What?" Hermione asked quickly.

Ron pointed at Hermione's mouth then his. "You have something... black, like right..."

"What? Food?"

"No, I think it's a... bug..."

"A bug? Ron! Get it off! Get it - "

Ron wiped at her face and then laughed as he examined his hand. "Not a bug." He held up his hand so she could see. "Dirt and ketchup."

Hermione laughed with relief. Only her husband knew how much she really disliked bugs.

Ron smiled and gave her that look. She leaned forward and gave him that look back.

Ron kissed her gently, and lovingly and they intertwined sticky hands. When he pulled away, he said. "And although the kiss was exquisite as usual, I now know that dirt and ketchup don't taste good together."

Hermione laughed and they kissed again, trying very hard not to think about the mess that was now waiting for them whenever they decided to go back in the house.

**-end-**

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**A/n:** Thoughts? Let me know and gimme a review! Thank you!


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